I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
