Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
