Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
