actually, I'm a sock model
i just had sex bonerless
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
