what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
