someone threw a dead crab at me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize