so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
