Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
