dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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