I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize