i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
