The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
