Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
