I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
