SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize