I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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