I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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