How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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