Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
