If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
