My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
