You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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