Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
