No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
