ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
