I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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