your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
