Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
