Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
