im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
