WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
