Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
