giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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