Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
