the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
