Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
