Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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