I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
