well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
