just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
