Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
