i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
