I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
