i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
