in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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