I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
sex in a hospital.. check
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
