So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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