DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
