When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
