Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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