he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
