the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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