my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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