i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
