Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
