5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
