if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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