he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
