Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm gonna fight the coyote
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize