So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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