sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize