Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
