I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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