there's paper in my vomit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
