I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize