I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
