i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
