'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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