Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
