i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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